If you have to refer to yourself as an athlete, you’d better make for damn sure that your sport of choice is actually a sport. (Sorry, skee ball “champions.”)
What is a sport? According to the dictionary in my head, a sport is any type of competitive physical activity that requires some amount of skill and/or expertise. Need examples? Of course you do:
- Football = sport
- Basketball = sport
- Tennis = sport (even though it is often played while wearing a skirt)
- Golf = not a sport (because driving a golf cart and drinking are not sports)
- Baseball = sport (even though there are only 32.7 combined seconds of actual action in the entirety of a baseball game, it takes some skill to hit and/or throw a ball)
- Competitive eating = sport (it takes training and is very physically demanding)
- Spelling bees = not a sport (that’s mental activity, not physical, and it should not be on ESPN)
- Running = not a sport (because unless you’re actually running against other people, you’re just some dude who likes sweating and wearing spandex)
- Race car driving = not a sport (because being a little dude in a hot car and turning left all the time doesn’t qualify)
- Cheerleading = sport (but I’m only talking about what they do during the games, ifyouknowwhatimean)
- Darts = not a sport (because no one in the history of the world has ever done it sober)
- Soccer = sport (even though it mostly just involves kicking other people in the shins)
- Poker = not a sport (and if you think it is, I will throatpunch you)
- Pool = sport (arguably more mental than physical, but I’ve had to contort myself into some odd yoga-like poses to get the balls where they need to go, so it totally counts)
- Video games = not a sport (the only physical activity is moving the Doritos from bag to face)
- Bowling = sometimes a sport (let’s be honest; it depends on who’s doing it)
So go out there and be an athlete, instead of just an athletic supporter.