Stuff I Hate

Snow, pictures of feet, people who take pictures of their feet, egregious spelling errors, those ribbon things on the inside of women’s shirts that I guess are supposed to help them hang on the hanger, daylight saving time, people who would eat a bag of human excrement just because it had the word “organic” on the label, capri pants, women who wear capri pants, hairstylists who insist that people use “product,” golf, store-bought apple pie, waiting for webpages to load, automatically-flushing toilets, dandelions, exercise, people who brag about how much they exercise, minivans, people who think they’re more attractive than they are, dirty socks, people who use the term “foodie,” junk mail, watermelon anything, unwarranted arrogance, smugness, bad drivers, skinny jeans, people who think it’s trendy and cool to never shower, soda fountains with no diet/caffeine-free options other than water, mispronunciations, sunburns, the fact that the FDA allows companies to put “zero trans fat” on labels when there are partially hydrogenated oils in the product–but less than 0.5 grams per company-determined serving, when people touch my pens, fluorescent lighting in homes, people who brag about their baking prowess even though they use Bisquick, incompetent waitstaff, crunchy cookies, pumping my own gas, white pants, feathers that somehow manage to escape from the pillow and/or jacket, people who think they have their own personal “brand,” Russell Brand, brands that claim to be all-natural–but they use parabens and/or phthalates in their products, when people quote prices “after tax,” overcooked breadsticks, and Nicolas Cage.

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