Soy Awesome

If you have to talk about soy, you can’t just say “soy.”

Soybeans, soy sauce, soy milk, soy nuts… All of these things need qualifiers. Why? Soy is a little bitch who isn’t taken seriously. “Soy” means “I am” in Spanish. Soy stuff just whines “but I AM beans” and “I AM milk,” even though we know that shit ain’t legit.

Soy mimics estrogen in the body, so it’s like taking a big ol’ dose of female hormones. Extensive research that I’m pretending actually happened supports the idea that consuming soy will make you a whiny little bitch, too.

Eat real food. Meat is meat, but soy burgers are sitting around trying to Stuart Smalley themselves so you’ll be fooled into thinking they’re actual food.


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