Blurred Lines

If you have to define people by a characteristic or a personality trait, make it something arbitrary–just for fun.

Historically, we’ve defined/segregated/excluded/persecuted groups of people based upon sex, color of skin, country of origin, religion, intelligence (think eugenics)… Currently, our national obsession is drawing lines among us due to sexual preference and/or proclivity. It’s kind of ridiculous.

I’m either super-duper naïve or super-duper whatever the opposite of naïve is, but why in the world do we have to draw lines? Why can’t we all just be people? Why does someone have to be a single-ish, semi-queer identifying–but totes gay on Thursday nights and asexual between 2 and 4 PM on weekends, Pacific Islander American, Christian Anarchist Scientific Kabbalah Monster? To me, you’re Jason with the quick wit who is the only one who has the guts to eat the last cookie. I couldn’t give a shit who you go home to at the end of the night, I don’t care exactly what shade of taupe/beige/brown/fuchsia your skin is, and as long as you’re not trying to get me to join a cult, I’m cool with you believing whatever you want to believe.

It’s time to start hating on groups of people for legitimate reasons.

  • Is your ring finger longer than your index finger? You’re spending the rest of your life on an island with other freaks like yourself.
  • Did you just look to see if you qualified for the finger thing? There’s a separate island for you. Buh-bye.
  • Are you one of those people who “accidentally” tells me what happens on Scandal before I’ve had time to catch up on Netflix? The hairs on your head will be individually plucked until you renounce your stupidity.
  • Notre Dame fan? You’ll be executed at dawn.

It’s just that simple, folks. Make sure your hate is based on real, important, non-ephemeral things. And get me some tweezers for Sarah’s hair-plucking.

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