Small-Town Snobbery

If you have to be all snobby because you live in what might be termed a “big city,” know that the mere fact that you do doesn’t make you a better person than me.

I’m from a small town–not tiny, but small enough that we all kind of knew of one another. I’ve also traveled–to big cities, to even smaller towns, and to other countries. Though I take virtually any opportunity to hate on my stupid small-town roots, I know that we didn’t have it all wrong. You city folk need to take a look at the cost of big city living…

  1. Public transportation. Really? That’s disgusting. People being carted around like cattle–in the same space, breathing the same air, smelling all of the… eyww.
  2. Real estate. Um, so, I’m like really happy for you that you have a house with the same number of square feet as mine, but you paid eight times as much for it and your condo fees are twice my mortgage payment. Good for you, I guess?
  3. People. Did I mention that people are disgusting?
  4. Parking. In what universe does it seem right that I should pay $150 to park my car somewhere for two days?!
  5. Zip code pricing. I suppose I should be pleased and honored to pay 20% more for my latte if I buy it at a non-drive-thru Starbucks in your bustling downtown area.
  6. Walking vs. your stupid taxis. No, I don’t want to walk twelve blocks in these heels–nor do I want to pay some guy in a taxi $38 to drive me twelve blocks.

So shut up. I live in an area with a low cost of living that just happens to be a suburb of a (by anyone’s estimation) large city. I pay lower property taxes than you do, I have just as many (if not more) dining options than you do because I have what’s called a “car,” and–oh yeah–did you know that little pots along the sidewalk aren’t where trees typically grow?

You’re not better than me. You’re just busier and more jaded than me. Oh, and you make a lot more money than I do. Good for you, city dweller. Don’t choke on your smog.

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