The Burden of Beauty

If you have to call yourself a diva, you’re not a diva. If you have to tell people how snobby you are, you’re not a snob. If you have to talk about how pretty you are, realize that you’re probably–well–not. The rest of what I write here is going to seem highly hypocritical, but please realize that I find myself to neither be an attractive nor an unattractive person.

I just read an article entitled “People Judge Me Because I’m Pretty.” The writer went on and on about how men catcall when she walks by, some make comments, some point her out to their friends. …The poor, stupid writer doesn’t realize that all of those things are part and parcel of being a FEMALE HUMAN BEING ON PLANET EARTH. Sorry, you conceited little snot, but you included a picture of yourself with that article, and you ain’t that cute. All the stuff you mention in your article happens to every woman sometimes. Some of that stuff happens to some women more often. That crap happens to me literally every single day. You’re not special or cute or sexy or hot or foxy. You’re a girl. You’re a girl walking down the street.

When I walk on the sidewalk by myself, I put in headphones so I don’t have to hear comments like:  “Damn, girl…” When I walk by the creepy little 5’5″ man at work, I make sure my skirt is hanging as long as possible and I slouch a little so he’ll have a little less real estate to take in while he looks me up and then down. When I walk into a meeting with coworkers, I pull the collar of my dress as high as possible because the two fugly ladies get all huffy at the mere suggestion that other women have breasts. I wear oversized cardigans so I can hide my figure from, well… everyone, actually.

So shut up, you conceited brat. You’re a woman. This is what happens to ALL women. Look around. See the ugly woman with the three kids? Assuming that she’s not the adoption-obsessed Brangelina type and she isn’t producing kids in Petri dishes, someone (or sometwo or somethree) had sex with her. Really. Some dude found her bangable enough to reproduce with her. Maybe–just maybe–this guy hit on her at one point. …But you’re right, snowflake. Your self-proclaimed attractiveness is an affliction. You are so put-upon by the whole world because you’re just. so. cute. Quit kidding yourself and just shut it. You’re a woman. This is what happens to all women.

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