Garage (Garbage?) Sales

If you have to get rid of some of your belongings, take them to Goodwill or the Salvation Army or something. Put them on Craigslist and try to not get murdered by Bubba721833 in the Target parking lot. List them on eBay–providing you have the reputation percentage thingy that means you don’t dick people over or whatever. Don’t, however, have a garage sale.

I hate garage sales. I don’t go to them, I’m annoyed when people have them, and I have haunting childhood memories of garage sales my parents had. The best [read:  most memorable] garage sale memory I have involves a group of horrible guys saying perverted things about me in Spanish–apparently assuming that the blonde girl wouldn’t understand. (That story ends with me saying the following in Spanish and my dad getting pissed when those potential customers literally ran away:  “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”)

All of that ish notwithstanding, I’m having a garage sale. I hate that I’m so excited. Here are the issues I’m facing:

  • I didn’t bother to get cash to make change (sorry, Bertha, but you’ll just have to grab another t-shirt and make it an even $10)
  • I don’t have stupid little stickers to put price tags on things (because I have absolutely no idea about garage sale pricing structures)
  • My one and only goal is to get rid of almost 50% of my closet (and it’s not so I can buy more clothes–it’s so I can find and wear the clothes I already have and like), so I probably won’t make any money at all

I’ve found clothes I’ve never worn, t-shirts from 15 years ago, legitimately cool sweatshirts that I’ll be a little sad to lose, and random items with weird memories attached. I have bottles of lotion I’ve never used, perfumes I’ve tried and hated, and body sprays… why the hell would a person own so many body sprays?! Can I even sell that stuff at a garage sale?
I’m looking forward to sitting on a camp chair, drinking diet soda, and having people give me cash for the crap I’d take to Goodwill–if Goodwill was ever open outside of normal business hours. I’m pretty sure it won’t be that much fun, but if I make enough money to buy a decent pizza, I think I’ll be cool with it.


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