If you have to have interactions with other human beings, don’t say incredibly stupid things under the guise of “joking.”
A couple of quick tips:
1) When a woman says, “Guess what!” do NOT guess that she’s pregnant. In the history of the universe, no woman has ever announced her pregnancy that way. You may think that you’re somehow being funny, but you’re wrong, you’ve made her think you just called her fat, and you make everyone within a 10-foot radius uncomfortable.
2) Ladies, don’t set yourselves up for #1. Try STARTING the conversation with, “I just repainted my bathroom,” instead of trying to make people guess.
3) When someone looks something other than bouncing-off-the-walls happy, don’t ask, “Who died?” I’m not going to explain this one.