It’s Just All So Gross

If you have to be snobby, be unapologetic about it, and realize that your snobbiness is just a part of your personality–just like Tim’s revolting slobbiness is what makes him the man who makes the rest of us want to vom.

It has come to my attention that I’m a snob. I don’t really care what you (or anyone else) might think about that.

1) I think and/or say the word “eww” at least 50 times a day
2) I usually look at other people with an expression that’s a cross between disgust and pity
3) I get really bored in uninteresting conversations
4) I think most people could improve themselves by being just a little more like me
5) I’m relatively unapologetic about 1-4

You’re smoking a cigarette on the sidewalk and I have to walk by you? Eww.

You’re talking about Fifty Shades of Grey in the office? Eww. (Also, have you seen how fugly the author is? Eww.)

You’re using the pen that the waitress gave you with the bill? Eww.

You like mayonnaise? Eww.

It goes like this all day.

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