I’m a 9B with Honors

If you have to call the IT department, you should immediately make known your level of technical expertise. A category assignment system would make this phenomenally easy. Imagine how much time this could save. State your rank/level from 1 (you think the only way to turn off your computer is to unplug it) to 10 (ugh, why don’t the IT guys know anything?). Letter qualifiers allow the addition of credentials:

5A = knows the difference between hardware and software, took a computer class in college
8TG = is proficient at manipulating data in Excel, shops at thinkgeek.com
10P = has installed an OS other than Windows, has programming experience

Here’s how this could go:

IT: “Hello, IT…”
Nancy: Good morning. My name is Nancy and I’m a level 1.”
IT: “Thank you, Nancy. Before we begin, is your computer plugged into an electrical outlet? Do you know how to determine if your computer is getting power?”

vs.

IT: “Hello, IT…”
Mike: “Hey there. I’m Mike and I recently attained rank 9L.”
IT: “Excellent, Mike! Do you just need me to assign you admin rights so you can take care of your issue?”

So efficient, unlike my call to IT today. It went something like this:

IT: “Hello, IT…”
Me: “Hi. My name is xxxx. I just got the Windows 7 upgrade, and I need to install [program].”
IT: “Have you turned the computer off and turned it back on?”
Me: “What? No! I just need to install [program].”
IT: “I’m remoting into your computer. This will enable me to take control of your mouse–”
Me: “Seriously, I can do this myself. It’s no big deal. I just need to know–”
IT: “Click the box that says OK.”
Me: “Okay, fine.”
[silence]
[clicking]
[more silence]
IT: “I’ve installed the program and added a shortcut to your desktop. When you want to open the program, take your mouse–”
Me: [hangs up phone and disconnects remote connection]

*sigh*

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