Don’t Speak

If you have to make an idiotic comment to a pregnant woman, it had better be about something other than what’s going on in her belly. Her belly = her business. You need to shut up about it.

Here’s a list of what NOT to say. We’ll pretend that this is a hypothetical list and I didn’t hear each and every one of these things when I was pregnant.

“You sure it’s not twins?” (5 times a day, every day)

“You’re eating too much, you’re gaining too much weight, and there won’t be clothes that will fit you in three months.” (Mean girl at work)

“You look like you’re about to pop!” (This one started around the 5-month mark. Thanks, everyone.)

“You’d better eat all the [insert junk food name here] while you have an excuse!” (Not an “excuse.” Baby.)

“I can’t believe how big you are!” (I can’t believe how rude you are.)

“Good thing you’ll have the whole summer on maternity leave to lose all that weight.” (Yep. Jumping on an elliptical before leaving the hospital. Moron.)

“Must be nice to be able to take a vacation while the rest of us have to work!” (Vacation? I thought it was called maternity leave.)

“Are you still pregnant?” (Um…?)

“Walking pretty slowly there!” (You would be, too.)

“You’ll go early for sure.” (Thanks, doctor! …Wait. You’re not my doctor? Shut up.)

“Are you going to keep working?” (Nope. Having a baby actually SAVES money! I’m retiring early!)

“My daughter-in-law is due the same time as you, but she’s a lot smaller than you. You’re MUCH bigger, with a bigger frame. She can’t weigh near as much as you.” (Said by a guy)

“My wife weighs 100 pounds and only gained 10 pounds when she was pregnant.” (Good for her? Too bad she’s still married to you.)

“I had a perfect pregnancy…never sick, only gained 19 pounds, easy delivery. So why are you having a c-section again?” (Mutant.)

“You’re getting so big so fast!” (I’m growing a human. What have YOU accomplished today?)

“You look so tired/exhausted/worn out…” (That’s because I AM. Your pointing it out makes me feel SO MUCH better. Also, you’re ugly, and that can’t be fixed by a good night’s sleep.)

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